The people you surround yourself with matter, here’s why
“Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.” — Oprah Winfrey
How do we know who to surround ourselves with?
1. Pay attention to how you act around certain people
Are you trying too hard to fit in? are you comfortable with the way you are? Are you trying to be someone else, someone they expect you to be? Or are you comfortable, interested, and genuinely connected with these people, on such a deep level that you truly lose track of time. Pay attention to how you act around certain people, ask yourself if they’re making you feel more comfortable or uncomfortable within yourself.
2. Pay attention to how you feel after hanging around those people.
Do you know that feeling when you come back from a long hang out with a group of people, and you just feel so drained? Your energy so low, and your mood so gloomy. The way you feel after a hang out really matters, so make sure to be aware of those little details. The other side of it, however, can be beautiful. When you come back by the end of the day from a long hangout and you just feel like you’re on some kind of high. As though you had just teleported into another life, and come back to reality. Like time was not real, and you were just connecting to that other person, without making much effort. When those conversations feel flowy, and easy.
Sure it might not always be this way, but it’s important to notice the patterns. Sometimes, even with our closest friends, we don’t really feel like talking. But, we still feel alright afterwards, because there is no pressure to act a certain way. But with certain people, those who probably aren’t meant for us, there is just never a click, and it always feels draining afterwards. It’s important to look out for those patterns with those people, and take control over the time you spend with them.
3. Seek constant growth, and not the need to lower your standards of being for the sake of others.
I have found that if your goal in life is to constantly seek personal growth, and a increase in your level of knowledge, then it’s crucial to surround yourself with people who have experienced more than you, accomplished more than you, and fallen, more times than you have. Those are the people wiser than us, who have most likely already went through the stages of growth that we have yet to come across. I like to look up to those people, see them as my role models, and try to take from them as much as I can.
It’s necassary to have these type of people in our lives. However, they are sometimes hard to obtain. For that, you have to learn about the places to go to to find those people. It might be in the same field of work that you’re in, or in a random coffee shop in the middle of nowhere, you really never know. But, it’s a feeling that you get to know that you have found them. It’s when you feel like you can really talk to them about anything, and they’ll have a though-of reply. It’s when they’re humble, and so deeply understanding. When they’ve spent years, in a certain field of working, learning and improving at what they do.
4. Who to be friends with?
I have also learned that even when you’re in completely different fields of work, but have the same work ethic. Sometimes the people we tend to get close to are those who understand us the most. The type of people who you can speak to about your real dreams, aspirations, and goals in life, and not feel any fear of judgement. The type of people who you can talk to for hours, about this thing you want to achieve, and they’ll be so accepting and supportive.
It is true, that we really are all different, with different desires, hobbies, interests, and passions. But when it comes to a common emotion towards a certain thing, a level of obsession that you can’t really explain; it’s so, so beautiful to know that you share that with someone else.
“Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” —John Donne
5. Be careful who you choose to get close to, and who you let into your little circle.
Having said all this, you must also be aware of who you can trust. Who are the people that use you for their own benefit, and who are the people who truly love and support you for just simply being who you are. Sometimes it’s hard to differentiate, and it takes a bit of time, and lots of conversations to be able to tell. But that is why you must always put yourself first. Don’t ever go out your way, make efforts, and sacrifice your own morals and comfort for someone who could not careless about you.
“Your circle should want to see you win. Your circle should clap loudly when you have good news. If not, get a new circle.” — Wesley Snipes
